


Who We Used To Be

by aperfectpearl (dimensionhoppingrose)



Series: Her Son, My Son [7]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other, SUF spoilers, Steven Universe Future, everybody changes, post prickly pair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22314835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensionhoppingrose/pseuds/aperfectpearl
Summary: “I think all I can do right now is be there until he’s ready to talk about it. Whether it’s with me or someone else. I just...”Her voice drifted off. “Just what?” Sheena prompted gently.“He said once he needs us to see him for who he is now, not who he used to be.” Pearl spun her Styrofoam cut between her fingers. “I feel the same way right now. But I don’t know if he’s ready to hear that.”-------------In which Steven overhears a conversation and has to face some of his own hypocrisy.
Relationships: Crystal Gems & Steven Universe, Mystery Girl & Pearl (Steven Universe)
Series: Her Son, My Son [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1300844
Comments: 19
Kudos: 137





	Who We Used To Be

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm going to head off what's sure to be a prevailing question: "do you really think the gems would hold what Cactus Steven said against him?"
> 
> And the answer is no, I don't. But there's a difference between forgiving and forgetting, and those thoughts are out in the world now. Amethyst knows Steven mocked her behind her back about being mature (something he previously applauded her for). Garnet knows he's tired of her "high and mighty" speeches. Pearl knows he thinks he can't talk to her because she'll blame herself. Once those things are out, there's no taking them back, and it *does* affect their relationships. His words have consequences. 
> 
> It's no different from when he surrendered himself to the Diamonds and Connie was mad at him for going off on his own. It didn't mean she loved him any less, but she *was* mad at him, and for good reason. The gems have feelings too, and hearing that Steven thinks of them in those terms has *got* to hurt. They're allowed to be hurt over it.
> 
> PS - This is not beta-ed at all.

Amethyst was sitting on the counter, sipping from a jar of pickles, as Steven made his way downstairs, slowly putting his jacket on. He paused when he saw the gem, hesitating. It had been a couple days since the whole Cactus Steven incident. Things around the house were a little awkward.

“Uh… hey.”

“Yo.”

Amethyst pulled a pickle out, munching on it. “No school today?” Steven asked after a minute.

“It’s Saturday.”

“Oh.” He chuckled nervously. “Right. I forgot.”

“Mmm.” Amethyst took another sip of pickle juice.

Once the gems had time to go through everything that had happened and process the things Cactus Steven had parroted, they had been… upset. Rightfully so. Steven knew what he had said was spiteful, and he was ashamed of it. He had apologized, profusely, and they had said they accepted it, but…

The sound of the temple door opening pulled him out of his thoughts, and he looked over to see Pearl walking out, smiling, tugging at her jacket, and humming. _That_ was bewildering. “You’re in a good mood,” Amethyst said, blinking a few times.

“Am I?” Pearl paused, and shrugged. “Just happy to have a day off, I guess. You know what they say about all work and no play.”

Amethyst’s neutral expression had been replaced with one of disbelief. “...Uh, _I_ know what they say. Do _you_ know what they say?”

“Something about it being no fun, right?” Pearl shrugged again, heading for the door.

“Are… you going somewhere?” Steven couldn’t resist asking. Pearl didn’t usually go anywhere _alone_.

“I have plans,” she said simply.

“Plans?” Amethyst and Steven repeated in one voice.

“ _Yes_ , plans. I have a life, you know. Not _everything_ revolves around what happens in the house.”

There was a slight edge on her otherwise pleasant tone. Steven backed off, watching her go. “Wow,” Amethyst deadpanned, finishing off the pickles. “You really upset her.”

“You guys said you forgave me!” Steven protested, voice cracking slightly. The purple gem jumped off the counter, tossing the jar in the trash.

“Yeah, man, I mean, we’re not going to hate you forever because you insulted us to your cactus, but you know that stuff still hurts. And you basically called Pearl a basket case.” Amethyst grabbed a butter knife out of the sink, nomming on it. “Wait, I’m not being too _mature_ for you, am I?”

Steven sighed. “No. You’re right.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, staring at the floor. “I didn’t mean any of those things. I was just mad at myself for not knowing what to do."

“Words and actions have consequences.” They jumped, whirling to look at Garnet. How did she manage to leave the temple without even the _door_ making a sound? “Amethyst, stop chewing on the cutlery.”

“But I’m _bored_.”

“Go to Little Homeworld, I’m sure there’s something to do there.”

“Peridot said they’re running a non-stop Camp Pining Hearts marathon on a projector all weekend. Pass.”

Steven pulled a few rumpled dollar bills out of his pocket. “I’m going to get donuts,” he decided. “Want anything?”

“The usual would be good.”

“Six bear claws and four chocolate frosted with sprinkles, got it. Garnet?”

“I’m good. Oh, and Steven?”

He paused with his hand on the door. “Yeah?”

“Don’t forget your manners. Staring is rude.”

He looked at Amethyst, who shrugged. “Um… okay, got it. Be back in a bit.”

He made his way out of the house, checking his phone. There was a new message from Connie about her latest PSAT scores – perfect, of course, because everything she did was perfect – and a message from Peridot about the aforementioned Camp Pining Hearts marathon. He sent Connie a thumbs up and a smiley and, after a moment of thought, didn’t answer Peridot. If he said he was busy, she’d ask what he was doing, and “wallowing in my own self pity” wasn’t a great answer.

_Just get some donuts and go home. Don’t think about how Lars is in space again and all the other teenagers have left and the gems hate you…_

His train of thought drifted off when he turned the corner and saw Pearl waiting outside of the Big Donut, cradling a cup of probably tea. Since when did she frequent the Big Donut? He knew Dewey drove her up a wall, wouldn’t she want to avoid this place?

The bell over the door rang, and Steven had to physically cover his mouth from letting out a shocked noise. It was a big woman with dark skin and large, bright pink hair. _Mystery Girl_.

“Sorry about the wait.” She chuckled as she walked to Pearl. “Service hasn’t been as good here since those kids quit.”

“Yeah, but they’re doing better things now,” Pearl said brightly. “Lars just went back to space, and Sadie’s been doing well with her music career. I guess Greg can manage a band better than he can be one.”

Mystery Girl laughed, nudging Pearl’s shoulder. “I thought you guys were friends now?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to make fun of him once in a while.”

They sat at the outdoor table, laughing. Steven’s mouth was hanging open as he scrambled back around the corner, still watching. When had _this_ happened?!

“So how’ve things been? You didn’t sound too great last night.”

“Oh...” Pearl sighed, sipping her tea. “Just been busy. Little Home School just had its first graduation and all.”

“Yeah? That’s pretty awesome. Am I ever going to see Little Home School up close, or are you still hiding your human friend from your alien family?”

“It’s not like that.” Pearl chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck. “Trust me, not introducing you to them is doing _you_ a favor. Steven and Amethyst saw me leaving this morning and made a whole big deal out of me doing something on my _own_. It’s like they think the only life I have is with gems.”

“Well, maybe they wouldn’t think that if you just let me meet them.”

“Maybe.” Pearl’s smile faded as she traced the rim of her cup. “Now’s not a good time, though.”

“I knew it.” Mystery Girl sounded a little smug. “Let me guess – Steven?”

Pearl blushed slightly. “Show off.”

“You’re just not as mysterious as you like to think.” The pink-haired woman smirked. “What’s going on?”

“Honestly… I’m not sure. I know he’s still having some trouble processing everything about Rose, not that he’ll ever talk to _me_ about it–”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh trust me, I do.” Pearl’s responding laugh was bitter. “He told his cactus he can’t talk to me about anything because I’ll just blame myself.”

Mystery Girl stared at Pearl for a moment. “Okay… I think I need a little context for that one.”

“Right. He quit running little Home School and decided to take up gardening...”

“I told you staring was rude.”

Steven jumped, turning to see Garnet standing beside him, leaning on the rock wall. “Um… oh.” He looked back at Pearl, then at Garnet again. “You knew about this?” She tapped her visor. “Right, but I mean did you know about her and…?”

“Sheena. And yes. She’s talked to me about bringing her to Little Home School to show her around and give a demonstration on different Earth vehicles.”

“That… sounds like a really fun idea, actually. Why didn’t she ever do it?” Steven knew the answer before the question was fully out of his mouth. He sighed. “Don’t answer that.”

“And I just don’t know what to say to him anymore!” Pearl’s voice drew his attention back to her and Sheena. “Does he really think he can talk to me? To _me_? After everything that’s happened?”

“Aren’t you kind of proving his point by being mad at yourself over it?” Sheena asked, tilting her head.

 _Yes!_ Steven wanted to shout, finally feeling validated. _Thank you, exactly_ –

“I’m not mad at myself, I’m mad at _him_!”

 _Oh_. Steven hadn’t seen that one coming. “First of all, of course I knew something was wrong, how could I _not_ know after what happened at the Reef? I was _waiting_ for him to come to me because I _thought_ he knew he could talk to me! I’ve worked _so hard_ to put Rose and Pink Diamond and everything that happened in the past. And part of that was for him, to be someone _he_ could depend on, but it was for me, too. Because _I_ wanted to be happy, without Rose, without _my_ purpose depending on someone else, and that’s not something that’s easy to move on from when it’s programmed into your entire being. It’s taken me _years_ to get to a point where I’m truly happy with myself and I feel like I’m who _I_ want to be, and I thought… I really thought I was someone good. Someone _everybody_ could depend on. Does Steven look at me and just see the same person I was three, four, five years ago? How am I supposed to feel about that?”

 _Ouch_. Steven’s shoulders hunched as he ducked his head. “Have you tried approaching him yourself?” Sheena asked after a minute.

“No,” Pearl admitted. “Like I said, I don’t know what to say to him. He made it pretty clear he doesn’t think he can talk to me. And I’ve had more than enough lies to last me several lifetimes. I don’t need him looking me in the eye saying everything is okay when it’s clearly not.”

Sheena rested a hand on Pearl’s shoulder, squeezing gently, and Pearl gave her a weak smile. “Sorry. I swear I didn’t want to see you _just_ to complain.”

“It’s all good. You’re raising a teenager, and they’re pretty much the worst. You gotta vent to _someone_ about it.”

That got Sheena a small laugh. “He’s not _that_ bad. I think I understand, in a way. He’s watching all of his friends move on and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. And he’s trying to fix all of Rose’s mistakes to avoid dealing with it.”

“Hm, doesn’t know what to do with his life while living in the aftermath of someone else’s choices.” Sheena raised an eyebrow. “Who does _that_ sound like?”

“I _did_ say I understand where he’s coming from,” Pearl pointed out. “But there’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t believe that and talk to me himself.”

“Tie him to a chair and talk to him until he _does_ believe it?”

“I can’t do that!” There was an undertone of laughter in Pearl’s voice. Steven made a note to get all the rope out of the house. Although that probably wouldn’t matter, surely she had some in her gem… “I think all I can do right now is be there until he’s ready to talk about it. Whether it’s with me or someone else. I just...”

Her voice drifted off. “Just what?” Sheena prompted gently.

“He said once he needs us to see him for who he is now, not who he used to be.” Pearl spun her Styrofoam cut between her fingers. “I feel the same way right now. But I don’t know if he’s ready to hear that.”

“Probably not. Like I said, teenagers are the worst. He’ll get there, though, I’m sure.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do. Probably on his own, even. But don’t throw away the idea of tying him down just yet.”

Steven turned away as Pearl laughed. “Let’s go home,” he said quietly. He’d come back for donuts later.

“You don’t want to meet Sheena?”

“Not right now. Besides, Pearl probably wants to plan the whole thing.”

“Can’t argue with you there.” Garnet rested a hand on his shoulder. “C’mon.”

They started down the beach in silence. “Are you mad at me?” Steven asked after a minute.

“Of course not, Steven. And neither are Amethyst or Pearl. We just wish you would talk to _us_ instead of your plants.” That was fair. “Pearl was right, though. We’re not the only ones who need to remember that _you’re_ not who you used to be. We’ve all changed.”

“Yeah.” Steven looked toward the house; sunlight was glinting off the dome. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” Garnet informed him. “But you can worry about that later. You’ve got a bigger problem right now.”

“I do?”

“Amethyst is currently chugging all the flour and sugar in the house.”

“...Oooooooooooof course she is.”


End file.
